I used to live for weekends. Especially weekends in Wichita Falls with cooler temperatures. Mark, as a state employee could only work 40 hours a week. This was a good thing, as Martha Stewart would say, a very good thing. So many weeks he would be out after normal business hours, attending to one or more of his extra work activities, that by Friday he'd only have a few hours to get in to make his maximum of 40. On those weeks, he'd either come home early, or take the entire day off. This would've been one of those days today, for sure. He'd be relaxed in his big old recliner, reading the paper & drinking a very strong hot cup of joe. While there, he'd be planning all kinds of fun stuff for the 4 of us to do for the upcoming weekend.
Now, weekends are decidedly different. It's just not as fun without him. I'm trying, Lord knows I'm trying, but it's not the same. No booming male voice throughout the house. No exclamations of pure joy at the arrival of his sons at the end of the school day. No warm strong hugs for any of us.
And to top it all off, fall baseball begins tomorrow. Andrew will step out on the field, fully dressed, without his coach, confidante, and biggest cheerleader on the sidelines, at least in the physical sense. Please keep him especially in your prayers as he does this "first" at noon tomorrow. The ironic thing is that last season, a young widow had a son on A.J.'s team. She has another child Ben's age. And I cannot tell you the number of times I saw my husband sitting beside that little boy in the dugout, talking to him, encouraging him. As I look back, that spoke volumes about Mark's character. It was just the right thing to do, and he did it. I hope that my sons will have men step in to do the same for them.
Started calling agencies to remove Mark's name from joint accounts this morning. Yet another first, and a milestone, in my opinion. Tough, tough, tough to do, though. I'm waiting for something easy to do, and it just hasn't happened yet. But I have faith that it will.
My devotion for today said, "Find fulfillment through living close to Me, yielding to My purposes for you. Though I may lead you along paths that feel alien to you (you think, God?), trust that I know what I am doing. If you follow Me wholeheartedly, you will discover facets of yourself that were previously hidden. I know you intimately--far better than you know yourself. In union with Me, you are complete. In closeness to Me, you are transformed more and more into the one I designed you to be." But the real kicker came with the associated scripture, "You created every part of me; you put me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because you are to be feared; all you do is strange and wonderful. I know it with all my heart. When my bones were being formed, carefully put together in my mother's womb, when I was growing there in secret, you knew I was there---you saw me before I was born. The days alloted to me had all been recorded in your book before any of them ever began." Ps 139:13-16 Good News Translation
So I wait, and I pray, and I hope for better days. And in studying God's word, I have the faith that those days are somewhere out there on the horizon. Just remember, God, patience has never been one of my strong suits, but I'm working on it :)