Saturday, December 24, 2011

♪Sweet Little Jesus Boy♪

As Christmas Eve services approach, I am more reflective this year than at any other time I can remember in my life.  Guess that's only rightly so, considering the whirlwind-y, roller coaster ride I've been on the past 5 months.  Amazing that a person can think that their whole life is planned out...a picture-perfect marriage (no joke, we really were as happy as we looked!), two great kids, jobs that we loved, a legacy of land in Kansas to retire to in under two years.  We had a perfect year, right up until Mark's surgery on July 25, but on the 30th, three lives were forever changed.

Plans are now up in the air.  For now, we are residents of Wichita Falls.  We are surrounded by amazing Christian friends and church family that lift us up daily in prayer and include us in their lives.  I've retired, content to be as good of a parent as I can, to give all the love I can muster to Andrew and Benjamin.  I've grown to love writing the outdoor column for our local paper.  What began as something I wanted to continue because of Mark, has become my own, and for that, I am so grateful.  Writing it has become a task that I no longer dread, but look forward to.  Positive responses continue to come in, and I think the Sports section each Thursday is gaining new readers (mostly female) who look in to see what I'm up to.

And I'm up to alot.  Promising Mark that my priority would be his sons, I've jumped into outdoor activities with both feet.  I have a renewed sense of what's important.  Life is short.  Everytime I would mention something to him that we could do (vacation, purchasing a r/v, etc., etc.), he would reply, "Why don't we just wait, sweetie?  In less than two years, we will be retired and have ALL THE TIME IN THE WORLD."  So we waited.  And we put off things.  Now he's gone, and I'm left trying to pick up the pieces and rearrange them into a life without him.

Since July 30th, my boys & I have worked to develop a new life philosophy.....we're not going to wait, or put off things that we want to do.  Not a one of us has a promise of tomorrow.  That's why I stopped this crazy roller coaster in Texas, scooped up my boys and "vacated" to Disney World last week.  Some folks may have thought it frivolous, or crazy, or out of line, to take such a fun trip so soon after Mark's death.  But that's exactly WHY we took it.  We needed to remember what fun was, in a place where we could put our anguish and grief aside, even if for a few hours.  And it worked.  I've come back with a renewed sense of who I am, what I need, and am more at peace about our family and life in general.

The old song that's running thru my head today is "Sweet Little Jesus Boy"....I remember 10 years ago at this time of the year, I was great with child, singing in my church's Christmas Eve services.  And I knew that because of the timing, each and every Christmas after would bring back such sweet lovely memories.  As I sang, I tried to imagine Mary, a young girl, giving birth to my Saviour in a stable.  I was probably 25 years older than she was when she was with child.  My pregnancy culminated in a "Sweet Little Andrew Boy" being born on December 26th, 2001. 


♪Sweet little Jesus boy
They made you be born in a manger
Sweet little holy child
We didn't know who you were
Didn't know you'd come to save us Lord
To take our sins away
Our eyes were blind, we could not see
We didn't know who you were♪

♪Long time ago
You were born
Born in a manger Lord
Sweet little Jesus boy
The world treats you mean Lord
Treats me mean too
But that's how things are down here
We don't know who you are♪

♪You have told us how
We are trying
Master you have shown us how
Even when you were dying
Just seems like we can't do right
Look how we treated you
But please Sir forgive us Lord
We didn't know it was you♪

♪Sweet little Jesus boy
Born a long time ago
Sweet little holy child
We didn't know who you were♪

Now, we know who You are.  You are "I AM." 

 
Because of that Sweet Little Jesus Boy, I have a constant Companion, Friend, and Shepherd.  Even with Mark in heaven, I am not alone.  Jesus will never let go of mine, Andrew, and Ben's hands.

Merry Christmas dear family and friends, may the peace of our Lord and Savior rule in your hearts.  And in ALL circumstances, be thankful.



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Christmas, 2012

Christmas, 2012